Never stand behind a sneezing cow

FALL CREEK, Wis. — New York Times best-selling author Michael Perry learned lessons growing up on his family’s dairy farm that have kept him rooted throughout his life.

“I watched my dad; he got up every day, milked the cows, and did whatever needed to be done,” Perry said. “No one was applauding, no one was cheering. I was raised with that mindset — get one job done and move on to the next.”

Perry, who resides near Fall Creek, has written 25 books. He also writes and performs original music, has sold pilot scripts in Hollywood and recently signed an option for a musical in New York City. Perry’s full resume has been created by gumption.

“I’m a farm kid at heart,” Perry said. “My whole path has been very accidental, but it ties into my farm background. I learned everything I needed to know about surviving as a self-employed writer from cleaning calf pens — you just keep shoveling until you get a pile so big, somebody has to notice.”

Raised on his family’s dairy farm near New Auburn, Perry has worn many hats in adulthood. A self-described author, humorist, singer/songwriter, firefighter and amateur snowplow driver, Perry said everything he does relates to his childhood on the farm.

“I grew up milking cows, cleaning calf pens, working in the fields, baling hay,” Perry said. “We logged in the winter; I was skidding logs. We heated our big, old farmhouse with wood, so we were always splitting and stacking wood.”

Perry’s passion for writing was rooted in childhood reading.

“We lived in a house with no television,” Perry said. “I was raised in a church where you didn’t watch television; the radio didn’t play in the house. We didn’t go to movies, but mom filled the house with books. I read and read. It never occurred to me that anyone like me could write those books. I thought they were all people from big cities or with fancy degrees.”

Just as his father sought out ways to diversify the family farm, Perry has found ways to diversify his own career.

“Dad did whatever it took,” Perry said. “Besides milking cows, he raised sheep and logged in the winter to create multiple revenue streams. I’ve done whatever it takes — wrote some fiction, novels, magazine articles. I’m happy as long as I get to keep doing what I love, which is writing.”

Perry’s website, Sneezing Cow, pays tribute to a humor album he recorded decades ago called “Never Stand Behind a Sneezing Cow.”

“That’s become one of my most popular stories,” Perry said. “Anyone who grew up on a dairy farm knows why. It’s fun because I tell the story at events in rural Wisconsin and everybody laughs because they know exactly what I’m talking about. When I tell it in a big city like New York or San Francisco, I still get laughs — it’s just a different laugh, a laugh of horror.”

When he speaks to farmers and rural groups, Perry hopes to bring levity.

“I’m not an expert and they certainly don’t hire me to teach them how to farm,” Perry said. “They hire me to tell funny stories. … I can make jokes about frozen manure spreaders and it’s legitimate, because that’s my background.”

Not everything about rural life is lighthearted fodder for jokes and humorous anecdotes, however. Perry touches on the deeper, darker side of life on the farm, the rural mindset and mental health.

“I know firsthand, from relatives and neighbors, how hard farming can be, and the suicide epidemic,” Perry said. “I wrote a book called ‘40 Acres Deep,’ about a farmer trying to hang onto his farm. It’s not a happy book. It’s one of the darkest things I’ve ever written.”

Uncertain of how the book would be received, Perry shared it with farmers and agricultural mental health professionals, seeking their input on the impact of the subject matter.

“They assured me to tell the story like it really is,” Perry said. “That book has sold thousands of copies. I get letters and emails from people who talk about the struggle. It’s a way for them to feel like someone has tried to convey what they’re going through.”

Through it all, humor is one way Perry helps his audiences find relief.

“There’s bad days on the farm,” Perry said. “You can either look at them with a sense of humor or you can sit down and cry.”

Perry said he tells one story about a guy who got kicked by a dead cow.

“It’s a true story about this farmer who loses his best milk cow,” he said. “And yet when my brother was helping him get the dead cow out of the barn, this ridiculously goofy thing happens. I learned that, too, growing up on the farm — no matter how grim things get, you can counter some of it with that fatalistic sense of humor.”

Perry’s agricultural background is not limited to his family’s Wisconsin dairy farm. For five summers, he worked as a ranch hand in Wyoming to pay his way through nursing school.

“I liked nursing, but one day I ran into an old acquaintance who mentioned they had written an article and sold it to a magazine,” Perry said. “I remember being so naive, not realizing you could get paid to write. So I went to the library and checked out a book on how to be a writer. I started writing and sending my stuff out. I learned by failing, getting tons of rejections, but my farm background made me just keep plugging along.”

Plugging along paid off. Eventually, Perry was able to turn his childhood passion into his livelihood, rooted in the farm he grew up on.

“I loved growing up on the farm, running equipment, stacking hay bales in the mow,” Perry said. “But I wasn’t cut out to be a farmer. … I enjoy what I’m doing even more — whether it’s writing, performing or working with actors and writers in New York City — because I know what real physical labor is. I know what it’s like to watch my dad milk cows, twice a day for years and years. It helps me appreciate, even more, that I’m allowed to make my living the way I do.”