Making lists

I have officially reached the age of lists. There are so many things swirling around in my head, from the new milk amounts for the calves being weaned to the latest round of numbers from balancing the books. What grocery items do I need to restock? When was the last time I mowed the yard? What day of the week is it? What do I need to pack for my next trip? I try to keep a running list of things I need to remember to do but tend to lose the list and have to start all over again.

I try to write down events on the calendar but sometimes forget between the phone call and actually writing it down. Thankfully, Sadie sent me a reminder text about coming over for a 4-H dairy judging workout at our farm on Sunday. Fortunately, I had baked a couple of batches of cookies and was able to share with the kids. I hate for anyone to leave the farm hungry. Besides, Dan told the other members I would probably have treats to eat.

Most of the time, I can tell what day of the week it is by resetting my “clock” on Sunday with church and a quick nap. Since the team was here on Sunday afternoon and I missed my nap, my weekly schedule is off a beat or two. I thought Monday was Tuesday and thought I had missed my Dairy Star deadline. Luckily, I have been collecting a different sort of list for just this sort of short timing.

We all need a list of things to help us remember how to laugh, groan, giggle and wonder all in a single sentence — or interpret a catchphrase in a different light. Here’s a list to brighten your day or roll your eyes.

Just want to laugh at the silly:

1) To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

2) I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days.

3) It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.

4) When one door closes and another opens, you’re probably in prison.

5) I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

6) When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why? What did you hear?”

7) Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t match any of your containers.

8) When you ask me what I’m doing today and I say, “Nothing,” it doesn’t mean I’m free. It means I’m doing nothing.

9) Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

10) Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you out.

For older people:

1) Talk to yourself because sometimes you need expert advice.

2) Consider “in style” to be what clothes still fit.

3) Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

4) The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”

5) These days, “on time” is when you get there.

6) Even duct tape can’t fix stupid — but it sure can muffle the sound.

7) Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are much older than you.

8) You thought growing old would take longer.

9) I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited to share.

10) When I say, “the other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

11) The older I get, the earlier it gets late and the younger 70 seems.

12) When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like bubble wrap popping?

13) I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

14) When “one for the road” means taking a whiz before you leave the house.

15) You haven’t learned to act your age and hope you never will.

As their four children pursue dairy careers off the family farm, Natalie and Mark Schmitt started an adventure of milking registered Holsteins just because they like good cows on their farm north of Rice, Minnesota.